The ways I don’t measure up

I was inspired by this video on YouTube to write about my feelings of inadequacy. In all the things that I have admired I never measure up to the ideal.

• I don’t have enough money/I’m not generous enough
• I’m not respectful enough/I’m not honest enough
• I’m not strong enough/I’m not gentle enough

I don’t use all libre software, I’m not mindful of everything in my day, my diet isn’t how I view perfect, I’m not perfectly in line with what my higher power wants for me, I’m not aware of my shorcomings and I may misjudge them for strengths.

The purspose of listing this out is that this particular line form the video struck me:
“Is it possible that companies and even content creators might be exploiting women’s insecurities?” ~11:00 minutes in
This is what I want to avoid, both in doing to others and being done to me. I am insecure and I hope that people don’t use it against me. I dislike shame being used as a weapon. I feel like real change has to happen from within so even if I am shamed into behaving in a way that the shamer approves of, I may only be doing it in front of them since the root/understanding/foundation hasn’t been built for me to implement whatever they are trying to teach me into my own life.

• “I can’t give something I don’t have” Unknown
  I want peace on earth so little by little I feel like I have to learn to treat the ones I love, the ones they love with loving kindness. I still get hurt when someone treats the ones I love unkindly, I don’t know how to change this, so I spend more time alone, both to avoid imposing my beliefs on others and to protect myself from being hurt. I’m not strong enough… I’m not gentle enough… I can’t stay gentle in an environment I feel bad in because I’m not strong enough.

I love the energy of attraction. It pulls me towards what I find beautiful. I hope to continue to listen to it.